Sunday, March 22, 2009

The Death of Dwight and Jim

For an English assignment, we had to write two epitaphs about two closely related characters. I chose to do mine on Dwight Schrute and Jim Halpert from The Office. They haven't really died in the show, but I made up possible ways that their characters might die. I mostly just tried to have fun with them. Enjoy!



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Dwight Schrute
December 22, 1970 - October 13, 2013

I was born on a beet farm,

I lived my life on a beet farm,

I should have died on a beet farm,

But it just wasn’t so.

Halpert brought an end to my life.

His ninjas should have been but a bother.

I went for my knife with agility like a cheetah.

But alas, I was to fast.

I slit my wrist with my knife.

I was an animal struggling for life.

I bled & died at the hands of worthless ninjas!

How could it have happened?

I know they were halpert’s men,

For I saw him scheming with them earlier.

my dream was destroyed.

I should have died on a beet farm.

Halpert will get what’s coming to him,

Like the man who shot Lincoln.

One day, I’ll have my revenge.

One day…



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Jim Halpert
October 1, 1978 - May 14, 2059

I lived a good life.

I had a wife, kids, and a job that I loved.

After Dwight’s death, I left Dunder Mifflin.

The shock was too much to return.

I didn’t mean to kill him,

Honest I didn’t!

I felt bad for constantly tormenting him,

For my pranks were almost daily.

I made the decision to throw him a party.

It was out of the goodness of my heart,

Not for another laugh.

The hired ninjas were meant to be a surprise.

Dwight, being as analytical as an aardvark,

found all nine of them.

I didn’t mean to kill him,

Honest I didn’t!

He tried to attack them,

but killed himself in the process.

I couldn’t believe what I’d done,

How could I live with myself?

I left dunder Mifflin,

and It worked out for the better;

I married pam,

We moved to boston,

We lived happily married for 50 years.

Our 50th anniversary was a day for the books.

I took pam skydiving,

But my shoot never opened.

As I fell to my death,

I looked back on my life.

I lived a happy life with my family,

Like the Brady bunch or the Simpsons.

I had no regrets,

But that infamous day,

When Dwight lost his life,

And I was to blame.